Been thinking on this… (There are so many ways I want to go, but I am going to try to keep it as focused as possible.)
Since starting my time here at Biola, I was surprised by the constant talk about “ring by spring.” For those unfamiliar with this term, it means, in the most general sense, that one will find who they are going to marry and will be proposing or proposed to by spring of Senior year.
It was mentioned and hinted at through orientation, in classes, and openly talked about in the student body. I expect some talk about this, but I expected just the student body to do it, to whisper and gossip about this, and for the faculty to discourage this concept. Do not get me wrong, I know that I am at a Christian college and I understand the desire to rush to get married, but the amount talk and how they speak of the phenomenon is borderline unhealthy, in my opinion.
…As if young adult hormones do not put enough pressure to get married, or do something rash, or fornicate….(Did I really just say that? It’s going to get a bit more messy)
This is point that I am trying to get at… (If I just came out and said this, I might as well just tweet)
Singleness does not mean you are not a whole person.
You are a complete being without a significant other, married or dating relationship.
The scriptures say that when two people get married, two be come one. This implies that two separate person are now one entity (two become one flesh… Jesus response to a question about divorce). It did not mean that two incomplete people had to come together to form one complete being. It is the melding of two people into one, united in Christ! (Mark 10:7-9)
…I mean it is a cute thought that you have matching half. Like a piece of paper that has been torn in two and need to be matched up to make a whole. But there is no one that is a perfect match. The only way two people can match is grow more like Christ. As Christ dominates both persons relationship, the more they are the same. It is not hobbies, age or culture but their relationship with Christ!
It is ok to be single! It is ok to be friends with the opposite sex (though I do believe it is harder for guys to keep it platonic than girls…but I digress.) Young adults, especially those in a Christian community, must learn how to interact and engage with the opposite sex without expectations of marriage or trying to get into each other’s pants. We are called to be brothers and sisters in Christ. (Note: Flirting versus just being nice and courteous, a pain in the butt to discern, IMO.)
I fully understand the desire and the longing to have significant other for I desire to share my life in marriage on of these days. However, I understand the longing and need to grow and develop as single person. Somewhere in time the Church forgot that it is good to single according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:1, 8 and have turned it into a joke to get hurry-up-and-get-married. In the same passage Paul does say that if one can not resist sexual temptation, they ought to be married (1 Cor 7:9). Marriage is a beautiful institution that ought not to be taken lightly nor just used as a way to fulfill sexual desires.
So if you are in college, more so a Christian school and you are reading this, remember this is a bitter, old man writing this… not really… maybe. But the point is I am pleading with y’all is that you get the most out of your classes, chapels and community; and not to concern yourself if the person next to you is your future spouse. (Sort of like a “watched pot never boils” thing, the more you search for a spouse the less likely it gonna happen…) Enjoy and use the time you are single to built in to the man and woman God wants you to be and pray for your future spouse it all doing the same.
~May the Lord be moving in me, shaping and making me into the creation and person he intends me to be. I pray that I am not blinded by the yearning of this flesh. In due time, in God’s time, all things will come to pass as He intends. God you are good and gracious, Lord over all creation! Amen.