I would like to open by saying that I have refrained from posting. I have been writing consistently. However, to post most of what I have been pondering would not be appropriate to post for the world to see.
I digress. Something that has been heavy on my mind is what I am going to do after my internship at Mission Springs. It is already March, and I have a little over 5 months left at my current position.
I have no idea what I am going to be doing in the fall.
This is the first time ever that I have nothing set in stone.
I have aways know where I was going to be live, going to school or working. I am not one to walk through life with things planned.
At this point, I can say I am not scared right now by that proposition.
I am not scared that I do not know where I am going to be living in five months. Not knowing where I will be working. Not knowing where I will be…
I was debriefing with a coworker about a conference we had just attended. In one of her seminars, the speaker said something to the effect of “…People over-estimate what they can accomplish in a year and underestimate what they can accomplish in five years.”
Now you ask, what does this have to do with your current situation? Well… If you asked me five years ago where I would be right now, I would have said that I would have getting ready to graduate with a degree in engineering, looking for jobs in related fields and getting ready to get ready to get married. Yet, in just two years I have learned more about myself and life, I underestimated what I could learn in five years. It is true I do not have a degree, a wife or a high paying job- and I am not discounting the merit of any of those things…
What I am trying to say is that I have learned a lot in the last two years, more than the previous three years and much more than I expected to learn in the past five years. I have been pushed and stretched in ways I could not have expected. I been pulled and pushed from my comfort zone and that zone has been expanded.
Right now, I can not even envision where I am going to be in five years, let alone one year and I think I am alright with that.
Two years ago I would have been totally terrified by the prospect of finding a new job, the idea of looking for a place to live, of finding a new community to live in.
I came to Mission Springs with the intention of figuring out if Christian camping is something I want to do full-time. There are parts of camping that are intriguing to me and I think I could see myself doing long term. However, more importantly I learned things about myself that I think that could not have been exposed by just school.
I learned that I am an introvert and I need time and a place to separate myself from work and people I know. I learned that when I think I know someone, I need to step back and examine that relationship. I learned I need relationships that are outside the fish bowl of the camp community, who has an outside view on situations. I learned that I need to be sure to use my time carefully, even if it means saying no to some things when people ask. I learned that being spontaneous, even if it draining to me, is important to grow relationships and scope of experience. As experienced as I am, there are always more things to experience and learn and from those experiences the better I interact with the places God has put me.
I have so many thing to learn still, so many things to experience.
~May God reveal Himself to me and my blind eyes. I ask for strength as I seek His will for me. I ask for perseverance as I strive to stay in His Word. For those in my life, I ask that my words are not in vain and my actions are in accordance with my words, so that I cause no one stumble.