I had a little encounter with a traveler.
A man named Steve
Or Larry the Evangelist.
Depending on when you asked him.
Well Steve showed up at Mission Springs Monday night, he was was crying out “Jesus is God and Savior”
This is was at midnight, on Halloween. Weird, I know. A bit creepy too.
Ok, a lot creepy.
I was tired, really tired at this point. I had not sleep well the night before, only getting three hours of sleep before waking at three laying in bed until 5 am when I decided I had to get out of the house. On top of that my work shift did not go very smoothly. I was agitated and grumpy because of the lack of sleep and things weighing on my mind. All in all I was in a bad mood, my heart was pissed off and my mind was anything but at peace with life. The last thing I wanted to deal with was a crazy homeless person at midnight at the end of a 21 hour day; with only three hours of sleep and 4 cups of coffee to power my body. (I am not asking for you sympathy, just giving you background)
I did not want to deal with this- not right now, not ever.
I came out to confront to Steve and he asked if he could sleep in the chapel, at that point I had to tell him no, he could not. He asked me if he could use a microwave. I figured the least I could do for him was to make some soup- I let him into the dining hall. His soup consisted of a half a head of lettuce and random beans which he cooked in a Tupperware with a bit of water.
I was obligated to stay with Steve as he sat and ate. I am not one to engage in small talk, but I felt compelled to talk with Steve. I do not know if it was the lack of sleep of the Spirit’s prompting, but I started to converse with Steve.
From my experiences with homeless people he was one of the least deranged people. I asked him questions like why he was in Santa Cruz, his name… etc. I found out that he travels around California depending on the weather, soon he was heading south.
He said he attended Biola’s seminary, Talbot. He knew his bible, I will give him that…
Then he started to go off. Ranting. He when off about my generation, how it was lost and living a facade. He talked about how the end times are looming and how the United States are raising an army like Sodom and Gomorrah, an army full of homosexuals and pageants. He talked about millennialism vs pre-millennialism, and how he was a pre-millennialist. This is where he lost me, the whole millennial thing is something I never learned in my vast Junior College education.
I realized something.
Or should I say a lack of something in my life.
I lack empathy of where this world is going. I lack the knowledge of the bible that I should have. I lack vision and the trust in God’s will in my life.
I am caught up in myself, only caring what Zach wants and “needs.” I have chosen to learn a superficial knowledge of the Bible, what I want is a deep, intimate knowledge of God’s word. I settled with being content with short sightedness and personally struggling with set my own course with this life that is not my own.
I have grown complacent and content were I stand with God. This is not right, it is not good.
I have always told people that if you’re not asking questions, you’re not seeking, if you are not seeking, you are not growing.
I am not asking question, I am not seeking, I am not growing in faith and live- I have become stagnant.
It is written in Revelations 3 I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit…
It is better to be totally dead, then to lie to myself and be seeking God with only a half of a heart.
God desires all- all my passions, desires, thoughts… my whole life, every facet.
So crazy, so hardcore, so abnormal- so outside of the social norm of our culture.
(Even in the church, the idea of giving up control and saying “Here God, this is my all, every last part of me” is so outside social norm. It is concept that is sung to death and talked about, but I feel never followed through with, but I feel that is another topic for another time…)
Does the average American Christian actually live a life that is totally not in their control? This man here does not. There are things that I hold on to that are holding me back for the total release of control. The fear of not being in control scare the crap out of me
Really scares the crap out of me. I mean, I have lived so long fighting to stay in control with my life and lying to myself, say, “God, you can have all of me*” (*Except for: this and that and etc…)
I am scared to see where God will lead me when I finally start letting Him have everything. I think I am going to miss what I am holding on to.
I guess I will not know until I give it a go…
But I digress, I know you want to know how Steve/Larry fit into this.
I do not know how exactly Steve helped me see this, but he did (It could be the lack of sleep…). Maybe it is how he is passionate about what he believes to be true. Maybe it is how he defended what he believe. Maybe it is the lack of things that hold back, the lack of stuff he could lose. But something about what Steve said compelled me. It was not that I agree with what he said, but it is the conviction he believes.
~I have so much to learn. I have so much room to grow. I have so learn about my God, His will and His love for me. I have so much that stands between me and God and truly being fully His…