When people find out that I play guitar and sing, most of the time they ask if I write music/songs. I tell them I do not.
But that is not the truth.
Truth is I go through spurts of songwriting. I will write and write and write, then pick up my guitar and start trying to fit the words to music, music to words. There lies my problem. When I write lyrics, I write as if I have no music to support, complement, and compel my words. I write words that could stand alone- they are too wordy, to discriptive for the music. The words I write are too dense to let the music speak.
I think that all the worship music I listen to, all the worship music I play squashes my personal creative writing and playing. Cliches and verse chorus repeat bridge, chorus- cloud the potential of songwriting. I get stuck in trying to write verse to support a chorus and a bridge.
The verse lose meaning to the repetive thoughts of the chorus and reemphise of the bridge. I want my music that I write to have full meaning through out the whole song.
So I get frustrated- with myself for not being able to express myself, not being able to share how I feel. At that point I abandon the pen and paper, grab a guitar and start pounding away. I open my mouth and start spewing whatever is on the forefront of my mind.
When this happens, the words start simplifing and slowly rectify themselves to complement and work with the music. Pieces of lyrics and chord phrasing starts fitting themselves together. I would not call it freestyling, ’cause those folk are talented in a way I could only dream of being, my tongue can not move nearly as fast as theirs.
But I digress. I hate when I start playing and singing, because I can never remember what I just did. It is so frustrating.
Thank heaven for the age of technology. All I have to do is pull out my phone, turn on the video camera or web cam and start recording. Now I can go back at my lesiure and writed down whatever I was doing. The greatest thing about video is that I can see what I was doing- what chords, capoing, etc was going on. (I can also see how incredibly stupid and sexy I look when I play guitar, drink a beer and sing really loud.)
But recording video also serves another perpose. I helps me pick out annoying things I do when I sing- those annoying things are amplified when I play live. I can work on my stage personality. But really, it does help, I can see how I am forming my words for different intonation, if they sound right and what not.
Alas, I have never performed any of my personal writing for people. I am scared to share it. I am my own worst critic and I am scared that my critiques will be confirmed by people I try to save face with. It is weird, I have no problem learning other people’s work and presenting it, but when it comes to my own stuff, I am terrified.
But fear is a different topic for another day. Point is that I write lyrics constantly, every once in awhile put lyrics to music, rarely record it and never (ever) present to a public venue.
Maybe one of these days I will be compelled to share with others and when that day comes, I hope people can find comfort, condolences and understanding in the lyrics and music that I have be entrusted with…